It is often said that advertising is the biggest waste of young lives since World War I. I totally disagree. Most creatives and account handlers have difficulty opening ketchup bottles. They would not be able to survive in any other job. Imagine all that entitlement and craziness let loose in the labor pool. The advertising industry benefits society by keeping the world’s misfits in work and out of trouble. We are not called Mad Men for nothing.
My illustrious career in advertising and marketing began late in the last century after I was fired from a welding job for attaching 400 table legs to the wrong tables. A friend got me an interview with a midsized London agency, and I bluffed and blustered my way into a profession that has taken me to seven foreign lands over the last 30+ years. I did not follow a career path but took a detour, and then kept on going. Along the way, I became a Creative Director, Executive Creative Director etc. I had titles and awards showered upon me while I wandered around wondering if I was in the right room.
I witnessed a lot of epic cock-ups on my journey to glory, and was even party to a couple. Here are a few of the best/worst mistakes so that young creatives can learn from them. Think of it as Monumental Marketing Debacles 101.
Once upon a time, a major cola brand (for argument’s sake, we will say the red one) was holding a press conference. Things were going well until it was noticed that the attendees had nothing to drink. In a feat of decisive management decision making, a junior account handler bought a lot of soda and had it distributed to everyone. The one small flaw was that the drinks were all in blue cans…
Marketing is full of buzzwords and catchphrases. A potential meeting time is a ‘window’. Creating is ‘ideating’. An ad is an ‘execution’. Being in agreement is ‘singing from the same page in the hymn book’. That is why Bullshit Bingo became popular in the industry. You are given a bingo card but it contains jargon instead of numbers, and you cross off the words and phrases as they are uttered.
Do you see the ‘big picture’ here? Do we share the same ‘mindview’? Anyway, a group of creatives decided to ease the boredom of a long client meeting by playing a game. They bet money to make things more interesting. The meeting progressed and the bullshit flowed. The players were crossing banalities off their bingo cards at speed and the excitement was electric. Midway through a proclamation from the head client, an art director jumped up, card waving wildly, and screamed, “Bingo!”
Win the game and end your career
There was an automotive show where a major manufacturer was about to launch a new racy number along with their agency. The allure of the shiny status symbol was too much for one young account handler who noticed that the keys were in the vehicle and decided to start it up. To cut a long story short, he wrecked its front. The show proceeded with a group of glamor models strategically grouped around the smashed headlights and damaged grille.
Shooting a TV commercial or video can be expensive, especially if a big name is involved. An agency had spent tens of thousands of dollars preparing for a production. The whole team were at the studio in the early morning waiting for the star to show when her agent took a call. He listened, looked grim and put the phone away. Everyone asked about the celebrity. “She was arrested last night,” came the reply.
As a heavyweight advertising professional with great experience in covering my ass, I can neither confirm nor deny my involvement in any of the above fiascoes. In fact, it may be that they were all recounted to me by friends, acquaintances and colleagues.
But I will admit to having made a few mistakes in the past. The positive ending to this story is that I learned from them, and will not repeat them.
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